If you ain't happy, honey,

I think I’m falling out of love with my major.

The one things everyone should be doing, no one does. No one listens.

Maybe it’s the separation anxiety. Separation depression.

Maybe it’s because nothing will be a better experience than Three Sisters.

Maybe it’s because all I want to do anymore is block everyone out and draw. Try to improve.

Maybe I’ve just withdrawn into my shell, unwilling to come back out again.

I can’t even find that someone…….

This next production, and that one particular film-acting class, will be the deciding factors on whether I love theater as much as I once did. Receiving this degree.

Hey, Bill Watterson was a poli-sci major.

#blues #sad #theater

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Notes

(via hereallweek)

I didn’t get much sleep last night, but tonight feels like one of those nights where I want to stay up and drink coffee. An unnecessary all-nighter at a time where I should be well-rested to start anew. But I feel just as messy as I did before. I think that watching a movie instead of working isn’t an excuse, it’s me learning about my “craft”, whatever that means. I’m still utterly bitter and to be honest, AU & Theater no longer feel like a safe place at all. I’m praying that this semester can rekindle my fire, but I’m so afraid to take a big risk again and get burned, again. I feel a bitterness consuming me and potentially aging me, maybe to be more reckless in real life so I don’t lash out my teenage rebellion in theater, as I am wont to do. I just want to drink more coffee which will be my fifth cup, and now for some reason I crave cigarettes which I never have before but I feel like sucking on poison. But I’ve dealt with too much baggage, too many hospital visits, to fulfill this wish.

I just listened to a Bjork song. I wish I wasn’t a casual-Bjork listener. It was fucking amazing. Her voice is abrasive yet tender. That’s how I feel right now. Abrasive, yet tender.

On to insomnia!

#coffee #theater #insomnia

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Notes